Tuesday, February 24, 2009

D wordsmith's in luv

Hi folks!
As I was contemplatin on wat to post dis fine morning,it suddenly hit me......
I hadn't read her blog.
Yes folks, I'm comin out...I've bin kinda stalkin someone....n no its not bumight!
She's so funny n witty...her writing is fresh....you can feel her thru her words...aaaaah I'm sprung...
Yes blogsville, I'm publicly declarin me hart for HER!!!

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

So far..........

So I'm stuck in dis cold ass server room thinkin abt my life and wat has happened n I decided to share wiv yall in blogsville.....Hmnn I'm gettin addicted to dis tin ooh make e no go b lik facebook wey I no fit breathe wivout checkin my notifications. Lol
So here we go
-I finally got called up!! Am servin in Lagos but am kinda regrettin it nw...Lag traffic is a bitch
- Momc has finally backed off my case a bit!! hallelu,HALLELUYAH!!
-Am working one boring ass job in SO&U's IT dept
-Girls seem to be swarmin on me like flies on shite dese days...maybe I shuld change soap or smetin. HEY HEY I NO DO ABI NA BY FORCE NI?
-However they ain't too interested in shaggin; which is wat I nid @ d moment....
-I shagged a girl den found out she wasn't 18 yet...go figure u culda fooled me wiv dose 36Ds
-I seem to b pushin a lot of wifey materials away from me so they don't get hurt....Hope I dnt push me future wife away too
-Popsc has started treatimn me like a responsible adult...hmnnnn gettin a job urself does wonders smetimes
-One chic dat resembles a cross btw a wet rat n a diseased hyena started chattin me up in d bus one day....Aw HELL NO!!!
-started lookin thru blogs online....u guys lead fuckin hilarious lives......
Here's my pick of d bunch
-Memoirs of a randy Nigerian Dis dude is too horny..
-Fine Boy Agbero just cracks me up..Suspect he has had experience...
-Exschoolnerd read den laugh till u almost die...
-Crazy Vivacious Read @ ur own peril...
-Baddest Chic As in...
-Gen Next vry cool writer..
If I rememba any more I'll post...
Dats all folks oya go bck to work ooo! My own oga is calin me..
"Yung man! Go and replace dat UPS sharp!!!"
"Yes Sir...."

Since I posted dis Padosh n Shona hav commented...tanks for bin d first to comment on my blog..
MWAH!MWAH!!MWAH!!! n Shona I tink ur blog's great!!
More pls...

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Rantin abt dis love tin sef....

I want to go on one of my famous rants...
Y u ask? Cos of this tin called LOVE.
Kai, wat the f**k is d big deal sef? One minute u r mindin ur bizness, d next sme human comes n invades ur mental space n drives u up d wall. U can't breathe, think, eat, or smetimes live witout said mental terrorist. den u find out
1.D person.s too old/too yung/already spoken for/a bonafide playa/diff religion/razz/too tush/to rich/too poor/wateva rattles ur chain.. or
2.d person is too good to b tru, in which case he/she usually is n u love up to d high heavens only u to crash wiv a satisfyin and sickenin PLOP!
then d attendant moroseness n sadness washes ova u lik a tsnami n blah blah blah
We've all bin there n done that. Movin on.......
What I think is our ancestors (not lik Sango ancestors no no no much fuurther back.. lik Neanderthal peeps) dat made up dis luv crap; conversation must hav gone a lil sometin lik dis
Yung neander: papa, why u lik mama so much? u hunt deer, u bring to her. u kill sabertooth, u bring to her. u make mead, u bring to her. Y?
old neander:(in his mind he mumbles "cos I lik shaggin" but den says) Because...becaus erm erm bcos I love her! Yes dat it!
yung neander:Wat love papa?
Old neander(tinkin fast):erm rm it feelin u feel wen u feel feelin for person u neva feel before in life!Also bcos I lik shaggin ur mom but dat anoda story....
yung neander(totally ovawhelmed by the intricate words):WOW!!!! Love great!!
Thus the legend called love was born
Ova the centuries it grew n grew; from the temples of Aphrodities to modern day nausea inducin shite.
What actually killed it was that twit, Valentine n his heroic of 'oh look at me, I'm dyin for love.Commemarate my stupidity by creatin a day where u go out n crack ur brain on findin d perfect present for ur one tru love or smeone like dat sha'. Idiocy of PhD level.
Aaaah,I've vented my anger. but the fact still remains, luv is smetin dat can so b done without. Shebi wat God said is "Be fruitful n multiply"; He didn't say nufink abt fallin in luv............

Monday, February 16, 2009

25 tin abt me...n a lil more...

1.I have 2 personalities....N we talk to each other all d time...
2.I wish I was not as fat as I am. Contrary to popular belief I'm not hapi wiv d way I look.
3.I LOVE meeting new people...
4.I'm so SANGUINE its unbelievable...can't seem to turn it off.
5.Back in uni I was in a dance group...actually bcme popular bcos of it.
6.I love art in all its forms but i esp like photgraphy, music and dance.
7.I've bin a ManUtd fan since 1994.I knw sme1 who's bin a fan since 1974...
8.I'm gonna hav one of d biggest personal libraries in d world...
9.I'm so nice it sickens me atimes...
10. I don't drink or smoke. I don't womanise...........dat much....as in a lil sha......lol
11.Most people dat knw me dnt knw I'm capable of so many vile n detestable tins;I knw hw to b manipulative n utterly evil...its my alter ego not rily me.God help me
12. Bros J is ma Homeboy. I strive to b like Him everyday.
13. I want to be unbelivably rich wen I grow older so I can b an anonymous philantrophist
14. I'm a FBholic...its rily so bad...
15. I'm scared of gettin close to girls cos I usually end up havin silly crushes.
16. I wanted to join d Navy but Popsie said no.
17. I will visit all d continents n major countries in dis world b4 I log out.
18. I'm family crazy! I love meeting nu cousins;in uni I meet abt 7 of em.
19.I really need to move out of my father's house :(
20. I want to own my own events company someday. Dat n go bungee jumpin, scuba divin, sky divin, walk d Aapalachain trail, c Everest, produce a hit song, act in a movie, n a bunch of other excitin stuff I can't remember now...
21.I love helping people.Just wonder hw I can turn dat in2 a career
22.I'm voluptrous by nature.
23.I'm scared i won't b a good father to my future children
24.I love PARTYING!!! But my floks are strict so I didn't get to do much growin up
25. I'm THRU!!Men dis tin is harder dan it looks.I tink I'll go find sme1 to torture nw....
Ok dis is d lil more
I'm obsessed wiv military hardware n martial arts
I need to start writing more...
I was born thru caeseran bcos me head was too big..
If I rememba more I'll post em....

Love is..........

Love is the most powerful and necessary element in life. it encompases both giving and taking and allows us 2 reach above and beyond ourselves 2 experience anoda person and allow that person to experience us. To love someone is to want to know and understand them.In many ways we remain a mystery to ourselves, with the people around us even more of a mystery. Love requires an investment of time and energy in order to develop.
Sensitivity to our own and other's needs and feelinngs. love takes time. it needs a history of giving and recieving, laughing and crying. love neva promises instant gratification, only ultimate fulfilment. Love is reliable and firm. When others have tried and failed, love is the hand in yours in the moments of discouragement and dissapointment. love is doing everything u can to help others to build whatever dreams they have.

I'll surive

This is a poem I wrote back when I broke up wiv my first girl cos she was cheatin....
I'm not dis dramatic now but thot yall wuld like dis
here goes.....

U broke me.Its the truth.So simple, so short and so hurtful n harsh to rememba
U took my heart and returned it in a thousand pieces;u took myy spirit n plunged it in2 d deepest n darkest of torments
U took my soul n clawed it apart like a ravenous wolf
It wuld hav bin beta if u took me up a volcanoe n dropped me into its depths
or plunged me into d heart of the Sun
or flung me into an exploding star
Why did u take my love for granted? I poured d waters of my soul at ur feet
And u trampled on it
like an eagle after prey u pounced on the very core of my being and tore it apart
piece...by aching piece
how my heart bleeds when I think of d damage u inflicted on the centre of my essence
like a tornado u blew n tore thru my life
leavin an emptiness, no an aching begging to be filled
but I will survive
Ah yes I will survive!!!

30 commandments for girls

Now I kinda meddled wiv it a bit so this is

ma version........
1. Thou shall NOT be a LONG TINS BABE (you know what I mean?)
Totally agree. LONG TINS=EJECTION.@ a time,no time!

2. Thou shall not lack in boobs, yansh and hips. If you must, please lack only one and find a way to make up for it.
YES!PLS!MAKE UP 4 IT!Africans aren't so in2
toothpick girls.

3. Thou shall NOT be a down to earth, real or ride or die chick. I.e all those ruff, rugged

and raw “tell it as it is” girls, NOT WERKING.
Well,this depends. U can b down to earth but
if u razz,RED CARD!!

4. Thou shall not have dew hair (All those afro/afro-kinky “soul” sisters… FORGET IT)
Again,it depends.Howeva,if u have hair dat looks like what happens wen a drowned rat
gets electrocuted,DO SMETIN ABT IT!

5. Thou shall not be a non-church goer. Ladies, for extra credit, be an usher, Sunday
school aunty or PRAYER WARRIOR (This applies to other religious sects)
YES O!Bruthas always need a prayin sista to hold dem down.

6. Thou shall not go to club to find husband... YOU GO JONZ!!
Quite tru. U only go to clubs for two tins;get ur dutty whine on or get one nite
shagged.Tru story.

7. Thou shall not drink hard liquor or beers. Stick to 2 glasses of wine, IF YOU MUST DRINK ALCHOHOL.
Yes to dis too.PLS do not tink breathin alchohol on im is sexy in ANY WAY!

8. Thou shall not have un-manicured nails (It has to be French manicure acrylic nails).
YES O!At least let them be neat.Tis freaky wen a girl's nails look like she's just risen
from d dead.

9. Thou shall not have daddy issues (victims of divorced parents and dysfunctional
families … keep it to yourselves).
Also,its cool to b a daddy's girl but not cool wen u dont know wen to stop.

10. Thou shall not go without makeup (i.e. caked foundation, studio fix but ensure that

the make up has a natural look which is purple lip liner, pink lip gloss and
chocolate/natural eye shadows)
Well,as long as u dont end up looking like Bolo d Clown.

11. Thou shall not lack culinary skills. Perfect the art of egusi, ogbono and all

variations of rice. Home Economics is in order.
i'll just say dis;D way to a man's(n his

friends n family) heart is thru his stomach.Trust me on dis.

12. Thou shall not be a “posh sturvs”. Sushi or lasagne…uh ..really?
YES!Esp wen d guy can tell u dont know wat lasagne is.

13. Thou shall not knack ya head when you have a weave. Futhermore, on no account
should you be caught scratching and flicking the condiments into thin air. That is simply
DISGUSTING.
THANK YOU!finally someone had d guts to say this.The whole head banging tin makes yall
look like crazies.

14. Thou shall not do any strange degrees, such as development, journalism or medical
genetics. Ladies, stick to law, engineering, accounting, business or pharmacy.
Word!stick to smetin dat can actually supplement his salary,not drain it.

15. Thou shall not have a sense of humour or try to even be funny (note: SARCASM IS A NO NO)
This is where I start havin a prob. A girl wiv a sense of humor is a great asset.Pls
neva lose ur funny bones!

16. Ultimately, thou shall not go past a first degree, maybe masters (PHD IS AN
ABORMINATION)
17. If thou must study a masters, please please, remember to dumb down when hanging
with his friends.
To 16;please.guys love smart girls.Its oversabi n condesending girls dey hate.
To 17;refer to 'To 16'

18. Thou shall not disclose too much of yourself. You will seem needy
YES!I dont need to know all ur 'stories dat touch'!

19. Thou SHALL NOT have a sex life or sexual imagination prior to meeting him. Let him
“teach” you.
that can swing both ways.yall can teach each other.hehehehe

20. Thou shall not listen to anything other than r’n’b or hip hop (common is pushing it).
All you World music and rock chicks, NOT HAPPENING MATE).
again not feelin it.some of d sexiest girls I know listen to rock (*hint* portable)

21. Thou shall NOT an independent woman. (all those “I can pay my own bills” bullshit…
Basically , LONG TINS). Refer to commandment one!
If u ain't independent,d guy will not respect u.TAMAT!

22. Thou shall not be opinionated or well informed (WARNING: This might come off as
intimidating. Besides, no one likes a miss know it all).
just tone it down a bit

23. Thou shall not go to any obscure University. Please stick to Kent, Leicester,
Nottingham, and Reading. (WARNING- YOU WILL END UP ALONE).
Dont know abt dis one...

24. Thou shall not be overly friendly. All those social butterflies and jovial.
Personalities…BEWARE.
Bollocks.

25. Thou shall not be anti-social when it comes to his family. You have to GET IN THERE
FULLY.
Yes,else u canna marry!!

26. Thou shall not explore any originality when it comes to fashion. Stick to T.M Lewin,
Hawes&Curtis, pointies or kitten heels, and jeans – Abortion belt always puts the icing
on the cake. To complete the look, don’t be seen without your thick framed rectangular
glasses (YOU SHOULD HAVE GONE TO SPECSAVERS)
Now unless u actually have a good dress imajination,pls,PLS stick to dis rule!!

27. Thou shall not hunt in packs (warning to girls with bossom bodies that cant be
separated
This is so tru!!u will not get dat cute boi in ENG 209 cos he wil neva,NEVA WADE IN2 A
WOLFPACK!!

28. Thou shall NOT be loud. Keep your voice to a minimum always
LOUD=LOUSY.

29. Thou shall not appear to be having too much fun on the dance floor. When it comes to
dancing, keep it simple (Dutty winders and grinders, ITS NOT HAPPENING).
In everything,moderation. Dutty windin is for hoes n video chics.

30. Thou shall not think about breaking this next commandment. The ULTIMATE, IF NOT YOU
ARE FINISHED.It Will be an OYO STATE (on you own) FOR YOU FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
LADIES PLEASE PLEASE AND PLEASE DO NOT GO TO THE BEDROOM WITH ANY WRAPPER, NIGHT SHIRT, WHITE TOP GEL OR SHELLY ON YOUR FACE. If you must Do all the above, LADIES, BURN THOSE GOLD AND BLACK HAIR NETS. Girls, we are all guilty of owning a hair net or 2. And we know
that all the commandments before suggests that you must be a babe on P constantly. You
have to FIND A WAY TO WORK AROUND THIS HAIR NET ISSUES. Statistics dictates that one in
two marriages FAIL due to this.
I cant begin to list d ways in which this last ones true. If u cant look sexy for ur
man,I assure u,someone else will.Stay on ur game ALWAYS!!!!
Addendum:As a last rule:You must be on FACEBOOK!!
HOW U NO GO DEY FACEBOOK?HOW?HOW??
OYA QUICK QUICK GO AND JOIN NOW!!!!!!!